Just Thinking

I wrote this in September 1997:

Speed Bumps, Chicanes, Obstacle Courses and Sanity

Like inflammable, "speed bumps" are named for the exact opposite of what they are. They are a human invention that is supposed to make driving safer by making it more dangerous. If that is not perfectly clear, then perhaps a physical rather than intentional description will help.

Types of Obstacle courses employed by Road Engineers

A Speed Bump is a rise in the road that will cause the body of a vehicle travelling at (otherwise) normal velocity to first strike the bump and then launch into space and again make excessive contact with the road when landing.

Often they are accompanied by a narrowing of the road at the same point. This has the effect of either causing contact with the sides or, if the driver avoids them, finding that the vehicle is moving into the oncoming traffic stream just at a time when there is no traction to allow changing direction.

A Chicane is a restriction in a road that would otherwise be able to have traffic traveling both ways at the same time so that traffic from both directions must use the same narrow stretch.

There are a variety of different forms of chicanes, some requiring drivers to first go entirely onto the wrong side of the road to enter the narrow part. Sometimes there are multiple of these obstacles in rapid succession. They are a wonderful feature for those who have the desire to play chicken.

The Purpose of Obstacle Courses

The actual purpose of speed bumps and chicanes has never been established, but it seems to be an art form for road engineers with serious logic impediments. Little pieces of the purpose have been hinted at but it is like trying to do a Rubic's cube that some miserable person has removed, rotated and replaced one of the corners making it impossible.

Surveys reveal that most people think these things are made to slow people down, in which case one might have though they would be called "slow bumps".

When asked why people need to be slowed down most people say that drivers were travelling too fast here and they need to be slowed down to increase safety. Well that is a noble cause that few would want to disagree with.

The logic appears to go like this. Somebody has complained that people are going fast and they fear that someone will have an accident. People are going too fast and should slow down. When people go slower they have less accidents. When there are obstacles in the way people have to slow down. We will put some obstacles in the way and make them slow down. There is one giant mistake in the above logic.

Of course the mistake in the above logic is that going slower is only safer "if all other things are equal". If you drop bombs on people they might be forced to slow down but it definitely won't be safer. If people are forced to slow down to avoid obstacles then they will reduce speed enough to maintain an equal degree of safety, provided they know that the obstacle is there and are paying attention. If they are not aware of the obstacle then safety will go right out the window, and so might the passengers when they hit the bump at speed.

Actual examination of speed bumps however reveals that they are covered in tire skid marks and great big gouges made by sharp bits under the car coming into contact with the road surface. There are many skid marks going up the footpath. This is in marked contrast to normal patches of road where there are so very few gouges, skid marks and obvious trips up the footpath. It is abundantly clear that obstacle courses do not make things safer at all, but rather that they make things very considerably more dangerous.

When this is pointed out to people who claim that the purpose is safety they reply that it serves the people right for travelling too fast where there is a speed bump. Of course they are only going too fast because the obstacle is there. The speed would have been quite fine if the road had been undoctored. This is amply demonstrated by the lack of evidence of "incidents" elsewhere.

Sanity

Is there something wrong with the sanity of anyone that is unable to hold the idea in their head that you should have more accidents so that things will be safer?